Setting Boundaries and Loving Yourself

Part of the ascension process is to learn to be true to yourself and honor your needs. It’s about letting go of the need to fix others or feel responsible for how they act or what they do. That can be difficult for empaths because we love to help others. However, there is a time when our helping turns into an act that enables the irresponsible habits and harmful behaviors of others. Do you sacrifice yourself and your happiness while the other person continues to suck you dry and put forth no effort to create a better life for themselves? This is not healthy for you or the other person. They will never take responsibility for their lives if you are willing to do all the dirty work it for them.

When you are first learning how to love yourself and care for your personal needs, you will have the uncomfortable task of learning to set boundaries with others. They may not like that and some will let you know of their displeasure. Expect this and don’t let it sway you from your goal. You are not responsible for the reaction of others.

At first, things may be a bit confusing both to you and to others who don’t understand the sudden change. If someone has been taking advantage of you for a long while, they are not immediately going to change their ways when you set a boundary with them. Especially if you seem to not mean what you say or give the idea that your boundary is negotiable. But that is part of the process. The more you love yourself, the more you will be able to hold your center in the midst of chaos. That takes practice so be patient with yourself and allow for mistakes. Eventually your external circumstances will start to change. The primary focus has to be on self-love. Be gentle with yourself as Karen Drucker so beautifully sings in this song:

One day you set a boundary and really feel good about it. Then you see the response or feel the energy of the confronted person, and you reel in your boundary or apologize for setting it in the first place. You do not need to feel bad because you set a boundary that someone did not agree with. Even if you sounded harsh, recognize that this is a release of pent up energy that was not expressed with an appropriate boundary when the original offence occurred. Sometimes a strong tone of voice is needed to get the attention of the person who has been abusing you with their verbal, emotional, physical, or spiritual energy.

Setting a boundary can be as simple as saying “no” and allowing the other person to have their own response to your denial. It can mean packing your bags and leaving a relationship or harmful situation. Many times an abusive situation goes on much longer than it should because the victim didn’t set a boundary the first time the abuse happened. maybe you did not recognize that the behavior was abusive. Maybe you convinced yourself that it was not really that bad.

It is up to us to let others know how they are allowed to treat us. Empaths are optimists. We believe we can fix anything and that our love is strong enough to change another person. Our love for others is only as strong as our self-love and our ability to speak our truth in any given situation.

Others have free will. They get to choose how they will live and how they will respond to the life we want to live. But, another person’s response does not need to cause us to back-peddle on any decision we make or a limit we set with them. We do not have to relinquish our boundaries to please others or because someone has a childish tantrum when we tell them no. To your own self be true!

Dealing with shame and guilt over setting boundaries is also part of the process of self-healing and coming into wholeness with our authentic self. We may feel anger toward the other person or turn our anger on ourselves. Ridicule, self-depreciation, depression, and self-abuse is anger turned inward. Anger is a great catalyst for change if we do not use it for harm.

The human experience—the reason for being on this planet—is to learn to work with energy. Everything is energy. E-motions are energy in motion. Emotions are not right or wrong—they are messengers. They tell us what needs to change and what is good for us. Our emotions of shame or guilt for having left a situation or relationship that no longer serves our highest good is part of the process of releasing and letting go.

You have the right to feel however you feel. So do others. And, when someone feels that you are the cause of their problem, they may become upset, or retaliate, or blame you for their own feelings. This is a lack of energy management skills on their part. If you let them continue to control you with their responses, behavior, or emotions they will pull you off course and keep you from living your authentic joyful expression as a divine human. Therefore, it is imperative that we learn to set boundaries that benefit us first, and others second. I know this is reverse everything you have been taught. But it is only when you are filled with joy, love, and light for yourself that you can extend the same to others without draining yourself. 

Being the compassionate empath that you are, it may be very difficult for you to allow others to have their experience and for them to let you have yours. Sometimes the boundaries that you set are to tell others that they cannot control your life or make decisions for you. 

We are the sovereign overseers of our lives. It is our soul’s choice to be here. Others are playing roles for us as we are for them. We are acting in character to help one another learn what we need to understand. 

You may have to remove yourself from the presence of an offender. Find another project to work on that brings you joy. Do not allow guilt or shame, the reaction, attitude, or body language of a disrespectful person to pull you off center. This is a hard thing to learn. Empathic people love to please people and will do anything to keep the peace. We know that if we create an upsetting situation, we will likely be the ones to fix it. Old paradigm. No more of that!

We are here to change the world, to change the system, to change relationships, and to change the way we do things and how we communicate. If you’re going through situation and need help learning how to set boundaries and maintaining your peaceful center, let’s do a coaching session. I will share with you what works for me. I will walk you through the process and help you not retreat or return to an uncomfortable situation. Please contact me on my website: Http://weare1inspirit.com