Living to please others in order to gain their acceptance or pretending to be something you are not can be frustrating and depressing. Not being able to express who you are brings on all manner of suffering. Suffering is an indication that we have been affected by the detrimental matrix field of human consciousness.
You are created in the image of God. Therefore, you are part of God. It is in Source Love Creator that we live and move and have our being. The cause of all suffering is the belief in separation from Source Love. God has no trauma, death, or need to condemn or punish you. There is no condemnation in Christ consciousness! She/He does not show partiality or judgement. You are on Earth to have experiences. The types of experiences you have depend upon your habitual thoughts and underlying beliefs about who you are and how you should act.
What are you telling yourself? What is your personal truth revealing to you? Does it differ from what you are reading or hearing around you?