Lately, I have had several instances in which I have needed to set boundaries with people, calling them into integrity for their rude or inappropriate behavior toward me. This was done while holding love in my heart for them and supporting the shift they were being invited to make. In three cases, a person reacted negatively because the wounds of their past experiences were triggered and the inner child leaped at a chance to find healing. Instead of taking responsibility for “taming the shrew” within, they resorted to blaming me for their problems or emotional discomfort. That’s okay; we’ve all done that at one time or another. We forgive and move on.
These instances gave me a chance to see that “Rejection is protection” as my friend, Ahna Marie, once said. Taking her phrase a step further, I add, “Rejection is perfection in progress.”
Whenever we feel rejected, we have the opportunity to decide how we will respond. The following are tips for best outcomes:
1. Determine whether or not the other person’s response has any validity. Look for the gift/lesson in everything. If there are ways you need to change, then make the change. Forgive yourself, ask forgiveness, and move on.
2. If you know that your heart is pure regarding the other person, and that their accusation is not accurate, then the best approach is to love yourself and use this as a means to reprogram your psyche to not perceive attack. Do this before you respond.
3. Protect the truth by stating your case once. If that is met with defense, you are encountering someone who is unwilling to negotiate a win-win or peaceful resolution. Arguing with someone who is not willing to see their part in a situation will only result in more arguing and harmful actions. Walk away and give them some time and space. If they continue to impose their accusations upon you, it may be best to end the relationship. Trust that better-matched friends will come along to walk in harmony with you on a path to self-mastery.
“The best defense, as always, is not to attack another’s position, but rather to protect the truth. 2 It is unwise to accept any concept if you have to invert a whole frame of reference in order to justify it.” ~ A Course in Miracles, T-3.I.2.
When we are misunderstood or wrongly judged it is hard not to retaliate, but I’ve found that with practice it gets easier to respond in love (which may mean not responding at all) and hold a peaceful vibration when others are upset with me.
I chose to pull away from having contact with some people recently simply because I am working on my own issues, one of which is setting boundaries and not letting people take advantage of me.
It is certainly not my intention to isolate myself from others. I enjoy sharing my life with my friends and I love people. Some people are just not trustworthy when it comes to helping us grow spiritually. Even though close contact with them may be detrimental to our well-being, we can keep our hearts open to them and send them love and light from afar. We don’t have to allow them to be a daily part of our lives. When someone’s behavior begins to interfere or distract us from our spiritual progress, it’s time to consider moving on without them.
Setting boundaries in relationships are some of the most difficult lessons to learn, but relationships are some of the best teachers as well. When we’ve learned all we can from a relationship and it becomes toxic, we do well to part ways in order to keep ourselves radiating purely.